Once or twice a month we hold camps at the Warhouse…AND once or twice a month I cry in front of 125 people…… this was one of those times.
I’m not crying because I am sad. I’m crying because I am so happy. I am crying because this is a subject I am so passionate about. I am crying because I think of all the people that I come across and they feel comfortable enough to tell me some of their own deepest secrets and deepest points in their own life…And somehow I have made a positive influence in their life! I am crying because I feel I have overcome something that some people battle with themselves daily. I am crying because I am so proud of who I am and what I have become!
Every single person at some point in their lives has battled with themselves. They battle with their body and they battle with their confidence…including myself! As a female, growing up, girls would get teased on their chest size, their weight, their hair, their clothes…image was everything!! I know this first hand. I didn’t always have the newest clothes or the most expensive clothes. I obviously never had (and never will) have the “perfect” chest size. I had big “thunder thighs” as we used to call them from many years of soccer and all the other sports I played and for the longest time, I never wore shorts. It would be 95 degrees and I would wear jeans. I remember it would take me forever to get ready for school, to make sure I looked alright. I just never felt that I was shaped right. Weird being super athletic and in shape, but not feeling comfortable in my own skin.
After sometime, through high school and college, those kinds of things faded. Not completely, but faded. Then after college soccer was over, I started getting into lifting. I absolutely fell in love with lifting. I fell in love with watching my weights go up, watching me get stronger, watching my body change. I started gaining muscle, and I loved the way it looked...but not everyone else did… and they took upon themselves to let me know what they thought.
Not long after, I started competing in figure and bodybuilding shows. I was an athlete my whole life, so this gave me that competition aspect I was missing. It gave me something to work towards. As my love for competing grew, my love for being involved in the fitness industry grew. Rob and I started making workout videos and started to promote ourselves on social media. We started attending and working booths at shows and expos filled with the most amazing bodies I had ever seen. The bodies you see in magazine…the “perfect Barbie Doll” look. The more I got into the industry and the more backlash I got from friend, family, and social media. So now, not only did I have people in my life telling me I didn’t look right…NOW I have total strangers (keyboard warriors) telling me I don’t look right…I’m not feminine…I’m ugly or gross…I look like a dude…I have no boobs. You would think this type of behavior would end in middle school, but now you have people of all ages writing extremely inappropriate comments for the world to see.
As much as I loved the way I looked and gaining muscle, I was back to not feel comfortable with my body again. It was hard to find clothes that fit now and I was confused how to dress myself. On top of not feeling comfortable, I am now surrounding myself with fitness girls with perfect bodies walking around in tiny shorts and sport bras. I definitely did not look the same wearing shorts and a sport bra like the other fitness girls. I wasn’t sexy and I sure wasn’t confident. At one point, there was a time where I had actually considered the possibility of getting surgery, so I would look more feminine or appealing to everyone.
BUT…The only thing probably keeping me from that was Rob…I NEVER really wanted them! I just thought maybe I had to have them if I wanted to do anything or be anything in the fitness industry. Thank god I LOVE to bench way more than have boobs….and also a completely supportive husband that told me he loved the way I looked.
About 3 years ago, something clicked!! Something inside me changed. Something, and I have no clue where it came from or what it was….but it clicked, and it is the most amazing feeling that words cannot even describe! I stopped fucking caring!!! I stopped worrying about my chest size and what everyone thought of my body. This was my fucking body, and I LOVED the way I looked! I never had boobs my entire life, and this was the first time I finally accepted that…I accept everything about my body. I accept that other people may not find my body appealing or even normal. I accept the criticism from friends and even complete strangers. And I accept my role as becoming a leader to help others feel comfortable with themselves!
There is no such thing as the “perfect” body…it doesn’t exist! The human body is so beautiful!
There are so many shapes and sizes to people, and that is what is so beautiful! You can be and you can look however you want. As long as you are happy with who you are and you are confident with who you are…there is nothing sexier than confidence. There is no size limit to confidence. There is no weight limit to confidence. There is no dress code to confidence. And once you have that confidence no one can take that away from you, unless you let them. So be proud of who are, accept and embrace the parts of you that cannot be changed, be confident in what you stand for and SHOW THE WORLD WHO THE FXCK YOU ARE!!
If you let yourself be more open minded, you will be able to see past differences and find beauty in everything…and the world will be that much more beautiful to your eyes.